…Faster than Last

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Reflections on the 20 year anniversary of my death

Reflections on the 20 year anniversary of my death

On August 17, 1999, I was run over by a van.

I was on a motorcycle doing about 50 mph, and then I was on the ground in a pool of blood doing 0 mph. My femur was sticking through my leg, my hip was shattered and I was bleeding to death in the middle of a 3-lane highway.

It’s been 20 years, so I was feeling nostalgic a few nights ago and I pulled out the old manila folder full of “stuff” from the accident: photos, police reports, mountains of medical bills, and a thank-you letter that I had written after the accident. The letter was what I was after.

I have almost no recollection of what actually happened in the few minutes after I saw a van pull into my lane and I hit the brakes. I remember laying down and feeling wet (blood). I remember hearing sirens and then I remember seeing the hospital ceiling lights flashing past my eyes as my gurney was wheeled down a hallway. Then 3 days of mostly morphine-induced stupor. Most of my “memories” are pieced together from what I read in my own drug-permeated, fog-filled police reports, and stories I heard after the fact. The thank-you letter was my way of telling everyone what happened at once, rather than 1,000 times over and over, and also thanking the people that helped me through everything. The thank-yous were directed at the people closest to me; my wife, my Mom, a few good friends, and then there was a stranger I thanked named Tim Stalbaum.

So, because it’s 2019,  and I can, I Googled “Tim Stalbaum”, and this popped up:

MOTORCYCLE RIDER HURT IN NORTHWEST WICHITA CRASH

20 years later, the stranger that came to my rescue after I was in a life-threatening motorcycle accident, was in a life-threatening motorcycle accident in Kansas.

I’ve searched for the word to describe it – it’s not ironic and it’s not coincidental, it’s weird, it’s eerie, and it sucks. I’m really not sure how to process the information either. If he was still in WI I’d visit him and we could ruminate on the coincidence.

I wouldn’t wish my experience on my worst enemy, and certainly not on someone who selflessly helped a stranger the way he had. I hope and pray that he is able to recover the way I have, and someday he’ll have to pull out a dusty file to bring the memories back.

2020 Update – this story did not end well. Tragically, Tim passed away on Feb 3, 2020:

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/wichita-ks/timothy-stalbaum-9029968

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3 responses to “Reflections on the 20 year anniversary of my death”

  1. snarevox Avatar
    snarevox

    this is weird i was good friends with tims cousin jason in waterford wi and i stopped talking to jason around 2016 and i swear tim died before we stopped hanging out. idk maybe mandela got me again. glad youre better. tim also liked his heroin so maybe the motorcycle isnt what did him in. take care.

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  2. K Stalbaum Avatar
    K Stalbaum

    I don’t know if you will get a notification for this comment, and I’m not sure what information I could safely leave on here and expect it not to be used by people besides Jason Kayzar. But I am Timothy Stabaums daughter (one of them). I share the same last name currently, and my first name begins with a K. Unfortunately I have no social media beyond Snapchat (just never got into it) so I would be difficult to find. I saw you on linked in and I’m considering signing up there to see if there is a more direct way to contact you. I stumbled across this post accidentally while looking up my fathers name. I can’t even explain how much it means to have a stranger remember him as kind and helpful, and to go so far as to write about it. I will include a throwaway email on here, and hope that only you, or not too many people decide to blow it up. We will see. The email I just made is: timsdaughterkstalbaum@gmail.com

    I hope to hear some kind of response from the writer of the article; and if it is you we can communicate in more conventional ways once I am sure it is you. I know this is a long shot but here’s to hoping. Thank you.

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  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Tim staulbaum

    I’m writing to release the pain you left on my life as a child . I was 14 you were in your mid 20’s I was just a little girl you. Hit me. You called me your girlfriend. Reflecting back you were a pedophile. I still have my journal from Jr High. I hope your daughter’s never gets involved with the type of abusive person you were.

    I have spent years in therapy talking about my childhood trauma. Yes you were a part of that. I can only smile now knowing one less life destroying person is off the planet. Any one wondering this happened in orange county California I lived in Silverado canyon, I remember his parents lived in Irvine in a condo or apartment . His mom made stuffed mushrooms when I met her he told me to lie about my age.

    For those of you that didn’t know this side of him, sorry for the loss of the person you thought you knew.

    I now get to close that chapter of my life

    Sincerely Shana C.

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